The Discipline of Self-Denial

I've blogged a few times re: my fitness level. Usually I do this after overeating and feeling depressed, or just before I start some new diet or exercise program. Then I feel bad when I don't follow through.

This time I waited until I was done!

For the past 10 weeks, I have been following an interval training program I found online:It has been a very challenging time, but this morning I finished their introductory program:As a graduation present I am going out tonight and buying new running shoes!

The cool thing is, while I have lost weight and do feel better, my motivation was not to lose weight or feel better -- those were really just byproducts.

So why am I doing this? I am doing this because I love Cathy and I want to take care of myself for her sake.

It is also, therefore, an excellent exercise in self-denial and discipline. You see, I don't really like running. I would much rather stay in bed and sleep. But in denying my own desires, and instead intentionally doing something for someone else, I am putting myself in touch with the attitude Jesus has. Maybe my self-denial in this area will help me put others first in my neighborhood, or my workplace, or in other areas of my life as well. That is my hope.

And in looking back at the last 10 weeks, I see I have reached a new level of discipline. When I was in the Navy (25 years ago!), "Boot Camp" was 8 weeks long, and it was the hardest physical activity I'd ever done. The endurance test at the end of the 8th week was running 1.5 miles in 15 minutes or less.

As of today, I have been exercising aerobically for 30+ minutes, first thing in the morning, three times per week, for 10 weeks straight! In fact, for the past 3 weeks, I have run a full 5k every Monday, Wednesday and Friday!

Aside from feeling good physically, I feel good emotionally -- about the ability I apparently do have to become more disciplined. I honestly didn't think I had it in me, and have surprised myself. What has kept me going is my love for Cathy and as I set out on my warm-up walk each time, I reflect on the self-denial aspect and ask God to strengthen me to be more like Jesus. If the past 10 weeks are any indicator, He does answer prayer and He does what He says.

Now -- do you think I am jinxing myself if I tell you that on Monday I plan on going to the next level?~ Keith

Summer Ride

Here is my route from today's ride.

View Larger Map

And as an added bonus, I rolled 15,000 miles -- that's 4,300 miles since I bought her in Nov '06!

~ Keith

Wordle

My blog as a wordle. ht to Jon.

~ Keith

PS -- I love how the words-in-proximity say:

"church sharing love models leadership" and how "ouch" is so close by.

N is Here

~ Keith

Vulnerability Trumps Insecurity

Some time ago, I had reviewed my bogging practices and noticed I had been way too revealing (of my and my wife's private life) in a public setting. I think blogs are a good way to share a bit of one's private life -- but I also think there is a limit. Some stuff just goes in my journal -- other stuff can go on a blog. There is sometimes a fine line between which goes where. This line is determined by each individual blogger. I contemplated my own fine lines in No More Blogging In My Underwear.

This morning I read the following in Celtic Daily Prayer:

It is because of the refusal to be vulnerable that, far too often, instead of enjoying friendship and intimacy with those around us, we find ourselves fencing with each other, using our talents, achievements, and strengths as weapons. To be vulnerable in the true sense does not mean that someone must become a doormat, a weakling, devoid of all pride, going out of his way to let others know all of his faults and weaknesses. Nor is vulnerability to be confused with the idea of 'letting-it-all-hang-out', or any other form of psychological strip-tease. To be vulnerable is to be strong enough to be able to present ourselves without false props, without an artificial display of our credentials. In brief, to be vulnerable is to be strong enough to be honest and tender. Like Jesus, the person who is vulnerable is a person who cares enough to let himself be weak, precisely because he does care.
~ Ronald Rolheiser, The Restless Heart

This was refreshing for me to read and reflect upon.

In the past, I am sad to say, my vulnerability was tied to my insecurity and desire to be liked. I thought perhaps if I was transparent enough people would be impressed by my vulnerability and therefore respect me as a very spiritual person. I wore my vulnerability like a badge of honor for others to see -- in a weirldy ironic (and oxymoronic?) borrowing from Rolheiser's imagery, it was as if I used my ability to be transparent as a weapon for fencing.

In Rolheiser's comment I see a new and better way. Since the time of my previous post mentioned above, I like to think I have begun to emulate this; that I care enough about the person with whom I am sharing that I will actually share the real me. But not in an attempt to prove anything or win any awards. It is not about me being liked by them: it is not about me. It is about the other person being cared about enough by me that I am able to, for their sake, not hide myself.
~ Keith

A Bee on my Belly

I took a ride today with a friend from work. We cruised from Salem down some back roads to Albany, where we had a great burger at the Callapooia Brewing Company. Then we headed East of Hwy 5 and went North through the four "S" towns: Scio, Stayton, Sublimity, and Silverton.

About 5 miles before Silverton, I felt something smack my neck, and it hurt bad enough I wondered if I'd been hit by a rock. My glove came away dry (yea, no blood) so I blew it off. About 2 minutes later, I felt a pinch on my belly. Thinking a belly-hair was being tweaked by a fold in my shirt or something, I used my left hand to shift my jacket around. More pinching. That was when it dawned on me -- OMG A BEE FLEW DOWN MY JACKET!!!

I quickly got the (lame!) idea to try and kill the bee by smashing it against my belly. I know, I know, it was a lame idea. I already acknowledged that. So now I've got pretty much constant pinching as this stupid bee is waging a solo war against my belly flab (yes, yes, you can call it a battle of the bulge, ha ha, aren't you funny to have thought of that -- hey, I"M IN PAIN HERE!!!).

It settled down a bit and I thought maybe it had finally died. Just in case, I tried to keep my body as still as possible. But every bump (ouch) and turn (ouch) that made my body move (ouch) at all (ouch) brought a new onslaught from little Mister-I-Refuse-To-Die inside my jacket. As we pulled in to Silverton it had been a few minutes since the last sting and I thought the miniature militiabee had finally gone on to the great bee poppy-fields in the sky. Dave was in front, having no idea why I blew past him at a stop sign and made a quick turn into the nearest safe parking spot. I quickly got my gloves and helmet off, and got my hand ready to catch the bee as it fell.

No bee. Or so I thought until

OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!

The very much not-yet-deceased tiny titan wasn't in my jacket -- it was under my shirt, and he was angry as ever! I quickly untucked my shirt and out dropped the smallest bee I've ever seen. Seriously, the thing was small! I swear to you an adolescent housefly could've kicked this thing's butt. It was this miniscule bee and as he fell, he put out his wings...and flew victoriously into the afternoon.

I took a few deep breaths and let the willies subside, then we mounted back up to finish our ride. On the way home, we passed (no lie) Bee Road. And as we did, I remembered getting a txt from Cathy this morning before I left, which said "have fun, and beee safe." I had chalked that up to a typo before. Now I think maybe God was trying to warn me or something.

Word to the wise: if you think you have a bee in your jacket, stop as soon as safely possible and deal with it -- or you will suffer its wrath.

Still and all, it was a good ride. I went a little under 103 miles, and filled my tank with a little over 2 gallons -- 48+ mpg. Not bad for a 20yr old bike that needs a tune-up and is battling a slow oil leak!

If you are interested, you can view our full route on Google Maps here.

~ Keith

A Saucer full of Leadership

Over the years, I've done a lot of thinking about, and been involved in various levels of leadership -- in a variety of settings, from military to the workplace, to the church. I'm no expert, but I had an "Aha!" moment this morning as I was reading and it made me want to journal my thoughts on leadership, and then finish by sharing with you the quote I read which was so great.

In the church, a typical model of leadership, borrowing from corporate structure, looks like this:Since this model implies dominance by those "in charge of" or "over" other people, and since Jesus exemplified and taught a different model, another example is this:
Either of these images make sense within the context of a growing organization but, while the second is certainly different from the first on paper, it does not always look different in practice. In either model the more people there are in the organization, the more pressure there is on the pastor to be-all and do-all. For health, both models need to follow the advice Moses received from his father-in-law.

But in the Pastor as Servant Leader model, even with various levels of leadership, the heaviest weight still rests squarely on the shoulders of one person, requiring the mythic strength of Atlas.In describing the influence of leadership, noted Leadership Expert John Maxwell uses this word-picture:

"A gentle leaf drifts slowly to the waters surface - it gracefully steps on the tranquil pond and as if timed by a masterful conductor, ripples radiate from the leaf across the water. Such a gentle touch - but noticeable, felt results. A leader's touch - no matter how small - yields the same effect. Like falling dominoes, the effect of a leader's influence creates a chain reaction which reverberates throughout an organization."

While that analogy is valid (and certainly picturesque), I disagree with his sound-byte assertion: "Everything rises and falls on leadership".

I think a more apt paraphrase of Jesus' message about leadership would be:

Everything rises and falls on Love.

You can lead without loving,
but if you truly love people
then as a natural result
they will be led to Me.

I still think the advice Moses got from his father-in-law was right though: as an organization grows, more structural support is needed.

Cathy & I have set out together on an adventure of starting a community of faith called The Orchard within the greater context of our experiences in the Vineyard movement (so, yes, you could say we are "planting a church").

But what if I don't want to start and grow an organization? What if, instead, I want to foster the growth of an organism -- a living breathing changing thing that has a life of its own? I believe this is how communities of faith -- how churches -- are supposed to be. When a child is conceived, it starts out very small; just a couple cells. As the child grows, the various structures grow and stretch and transform in exactly the ways they need to in order to support the overall life of the child. Bones thicken and harden; tissues lengthen and stretch; organs and body systems become more complex -- yet lose none of their simplistic elegance in actual functionality.

A few years ago I became more and more unsatisfied with the shortcomings of both the models for leadership given above. I began seeing instead a new image as a way to help me understand this idea of growth combined with a leader being the starting point for a foundation of loving leadership:
As the organism (or organization) grows, there is still influential leadership which supports the overall life. This is not a "leaderless" system. But unlike "Pastor as CEO", this model does not set the Pastor up as an autocratic, albeit benevolent, ruler of his/her own small kingdom. And unlike "Pastor as Servant leader" this new model does not see the Pastor bearing the crushing weight of trying to fill a be-all end-all savior/messiah role. Instead, in the model of "Pastor as Start of Foundation", any and all organism growth sees the Pastor naturally sharing more and more with a growing foundation of loving people among whom the overall weight of responsible leadership is distributed.

This has been my view of the kind of leadership I want to exemplify. As a leader I want to foster growth in others of whatever God has planted within them so that as a community we can each/all then give away those gifts to the world around us as a way of expressing God's love and care to everyone with whom we have any relationship or passing contact.

Here was my "Aha!" moment:

This morning I read something which moved me beyond the triangular, pyramidal models I've been talking about so far. I love this quote from Celtic Daily Prayer:

"BE HELPFUL WHEN YOU ARE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE LADDER AND BE THE LOWEST WHEN YOU ARE IN AUTHORITY
Too many of our models for authority are ones of hierarchy or domination. We think of rulers and leaders as those who are over other people and supported by them. Instead of a pyramid model where the few dominate the many, in God's Kingdom it is more helpful to picture a huge saucer into which is thrown all the people of God in all their giftedness, from the least to the greatest. Those more strongly gifted for ministry will not rise to the top, but sink to the bottom where they may undergird and provoke the rest of the people of God.

One true example of Christian humility was King Oswald of Northumbria who himself willingly worked as an interpreter for Aidan so that his people might receive the gospel."

As I shared this with Cathy, she pointed out to me how King Oswald had been a living example of Jesus Himself, who willingly set aside His Kingship and in order to faithfully translate the good news into incarnational language we could understand and receive.

May I be fortunate enough to be counted among those who let go of what the rest of the world sees as important in order to reach for the fullness of whatever God has placed inside me to give away to Him and to those He loves so dearly.

~ Keith